Threatening. . . .

I keep threatening to write more but just never seem to get around to it. Not sure I have all that much to write about anyway.

Walking is not going well. My back hurts so I haven't been walking. How on earth am I going to walk for 3 days in September? Glad Hickster understands.

Too tired to write more tonight. I promise to write about all the interesting people I know online. I have more online friends than friends in real life, but they feel like close friends.

money

Poor SRB. The closer he gets to retirement, the more he worries about money. I guess that is a natural response; however, he things we are broke. Ha! We are fine financially. We almost came to blows last night at dinner until I told him we were not going to have that conversation and ruin a perfectly nice evening out. He has been so moody the last few days. Wondering why he works. Worried about applying for another job and having the "stop" brought up AGAIN by the idiots in Hermosa. I finally told him that if he was that worried to just retire. Can't take the conversation much more.

He's trimming the bushes in the backyard right now. Maybe some good hard gardening work will change his mood. I sure hope so.

Still bored and don't know what to do with myself. I think the Abilify is finally working. Wish I had more to do. Maybe I'll do some laundry.

I want a baby. No, not myself, but another grandchild. Wish Shaun and Lindsey would get married already. Hope this doesn't turn into another 10-year relationship like with N and then break up. Can't wait to see the g'kids this summer. July can't come too soon.

My next topic will be about exercise and why I'm not doing it.

Bored

Yes, I am bored. There are times I really miss not working right now. However, once the Abilify kicks in, I'm hoping I'll get some of my energy and drive back. I have a whole list of things to do that I'm not doing.

Not sleeping too well lately, either. Only got 4 hours of sleep last night and a short nap today.

Good news is that I didn't buy anything online today. Really trying to break that habit - a bad habit at that. Figured out that it is another impulsive habit of mine and one that comes from the need for perfection. The perfect pair of shoes. The perfect lipstick. The perfect pair of jeans. Everything has to be perfect.

Also, I really miss my mom. There are so many things I want to talk to her about. Kids, talk to your parents before they get too old and pass away.

Oh dear

Am I in trouble again? Taking Benadryl in the middle of the day. Do I want to take pills so I can sleep because I feel like I never get a good night's sleep? If so, I'm in trouble. Not getting any or enuf sleep makes me depressed. A real downer. I hurt all over. I'm lethargic. I'm not inclined to do much of anything. I don't even want to talk to anyone. Feel so stupid. I don't really want to feel like this, but I do. I wonder when I will feel better. I now know that I need to go back on the Abilify. At least I was starting to feel normal, at least normal for me, if I can even remember what that is. Guess I'll take a nap now.

Miss you

Thought of you with love today, but that is nothing new. I thought about you yesterday, and days before that too. I think of you in silence, I often speak your name. All I have are memories and a picture in a frame. Your memory is a keepsake, with which I'll never part. God has you in His keeping, I have you in my ... heart.

Mama

Mama thank you for who I am
Thank you for all the things I'm not
Forgive me for the words unsaid
For the times
I forgot

Mama remember all my life
You showed me love, You sacrificed
Think of those young and early days
How I've changed
Along the way

And I know you believed
And I know you had dreams
And I'm sorry it took all this time to see
That I am where I am because of your truth
I miss you, I miss you

Mama forgive the times you cried
Forgive me for not making right
All of the storms I may have caused
And I've been wrong
Dry your eyes

And I know you believed
And I know you had dreams
And I'm sorry it took all this time to see
That I am where I am because of your truth
I miss you, I miss you

Mama I hope this makes you smile
I hope you're happy with my life
At peace with every choice I made
How I've changed
Along the way
And I know you believed in all of my dreams
And I owe it all to you, Mama

You Will Be My Music

When all the songs are out of tune
And all the rhythms ring so untrue
When I don't find the words to say
The thoughts I bring to you
When I hear lonely singers
Who are just as lost as me
Making noise, not melody

You will be my music
You will be my song
You will be my music
I can't wait any longer if I'm wrong

I'll never find the song to tell me
All the things I need to say
And I'm afraid as time goes by
That someday soon you'll go away
And I'll be lost and trying
For songs I'll never sing
Wanting you is ev'rything

You will be my music
You will be my song
You will be my music
I can't wait any longer if I'm wrong
I can't wait any longer for my song